The Sociopath's Apology [Dec. 8th 2022]

Content warning: None | Word Count: 166

The idea that my “sorry” counts for less because I don’t feel guilt is probably one of the most nonsensical empathnormative things I’ve ever heard.

People aren’t better when they’re driven by guilt. Actually, the opposite is true. Apologies motivated by shame almost always come out self-loathing and manipulative. The guilt driven apology is motivated by a desire to feel better.

A good apology is only made when you let go of guilt;
“I’m sorry, I feel so bad for hitting you” doesn’t help.
“I’m sorry, it was wrong to hit you, I shouldn’t have done it, and I’ll do better” does. And the latter is not driven by guilt, empathy, or compassion, but the ability and willingness to recognize being wrong & causing harm.

I don’t “feel sorry” and believe that’s enough like most empaths do. I apologize; I engage in the act of being sorry. The only reason empaths consider that less "genuine" is that they don't want to admit they're terrible at apologizing.